Crappy Naruto Chat
by SasuSaku Forever and Ever
Summary: Crappy Naruto Chat. Warning: Ino and Karin BASHING. LOTS OF IT. BEWARE! No flames please! First chapter introduces characters and screennames. Some characters are same, some are random. SasuSaku, NaruHina, NejiTenTen, ShikaTema.
1. Characters and Screenames

I feel like writing some stupid crap right now. I guess it's a Naruto chatroom...Be ready to be crapified...I guess.

Some of the characters are totally different than what they would be in the manga/anime. So...yeah. Deal with it.

Sakura- I Believe In Fantasies

Sasuke- ...

Naruto- Ramen Hokage

Hinata- Lily of the Night

Ino and Karin (T.T)- SASUKE KUN IS MINE

Lee- Sexy Konoha Green Beast

Gaara- Cookies 4 Gaara Chan

Temari- Why Do I Have Such Weird Siblings

Kankuro- Dollies Are Fun

Chouji- Chips Rule The World

Ero-sennin (Jiraiya)- Pervert Master

Kakashi- Icha Icha Sensei

Anko- STFU BRATS

Itachi- Foolish Little Brother Sai- I Think the Opposite of What I Say

Shino- WHY CANT YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME TO BE

Kiba- AKAMARU IS MY PETTY PET PET

TenTen- Weapons Are Addicting Like Drugs (sorry, I had to do that)

Shikamaru- Clouds R Cool

All Other Senseis- Hell Yeah Us Jounins Rock

Akatsuki- Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish

That's all for now. I may add other characters. Opinions? Ideas? If you do have ideas I'll make sure to probably add it and put your name down...Lol.

P.S These are just screennames. Also, please do not do flames, that really makes me depressed. 


	2. Real Chapter 1

Chapter 2 of Crappy Naruto Chat.

Thanks to everyone who supported me, I guess. For some reason everyone online is bullying me on Maple Story (A game I often play) and on some other games and websites. So yeah...

_I Believe In Fantasies_ has logged on

_Ramen Hokage_ has logged on

_Lily of the Night_ has logged on

_SASUKE KUN IS MINE_ has logged on

I Believe In Fantasies (Sakura): Oh crap, it's the Bitch Twins.

Lily of the Night (Hinata): Um...

Ramen Hokage (Naruto): YOU ARE SO RIGHT, SAKURA-CHAN! I ONE HUNDRED PERCENT AGREE!

Lily of the Night: Um...Y-Yeah N-Naruto-kun, I agree with S-Sakura-chan too...

SASUKE KUN IS MINE (Ino and Karin): STFU, you don't have common sense, retards. We rule, you guys drool.

I Believe In Fantasies: Ok, why are we all talking in proper English?

Lily of the Night: I d-don't know, I guess b-because...uh...

SASUKE KUN IS MINE: Forget this.

5 Minutes Later...

I Believe In Fantasies: this is much better :)

Ramen Hokage: GUYS HOW THE DO YOU TURN OFF CAPS LOCK?!

Lily of the Night: Um, N-Naruto-kun, to turn off caps lock y-you first need too-

SASUKE KUN IS MINE: Screw this, I'm outta here. There's too many retards in here.

_SASUKE KUN IS MINE _has logged off.

I Believe In Fantasies: o.0 wtf happened? o well at least there r no more bitches here.

... has logged on

I Believe In Fantasies: sasu-chan!! (nickname)

Ramen Hokage: SASUKE-TEME! HI!

Lily of the Night: Hello, U-Uchiha-san.

...: ...dont call me that sakura...

I Believe In Fantasies: by the look of ur screenname i can tell uve got no imagination whtsoever. im not surprised...

...: ...is ino and karin gone?

Ramen Hokage: YOU BET, SASUKE! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HINATA PLZ TELL ME HOW TO TURN THIS OFF!!

Lily of the Night: Ok, Naruto-kun. First you...

_Awesome Eyes_ (Neji. Sorry I didn't introduce him, I forgot :P) has logged on

Awesome Eyes: yo. hinata we g2g dad's callin us to some random place as usual. btw the hokage called he wants us to open his jars of lifetime supply of pickles. so hurry up.

Lily of the Night: Neji-nii-san! Wai-

_Awesome Eyes_ has logged off

Lily of the Night: Aw...Gomen, Naruto-kun. Sasuke or Sakura could tell you how to turn it off. Bye :(

_Lily of the Night _has logged off

Ramen Hokage: SO...ANY OF YOU GUYS WNNA HELP ME TURN THIS OFF?

Sasuke and Sakura: _stare whistle look away _(they r pretending 2 do it in real life)

Sasuke and Sakura: ...nah...

_I Believe In Fantasies/..._ has logged off

Ramen Hokage: GREAT. I'M ALL ALONE NOW. ONLY ONE THING TO DO...

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

Ramen Hokage: I LOVE RAMEN

_Ramen Hokage _has been blocked for overtyping.

"CRAP!" yelled Naruto as he broke the keyboard with his fist.


	3. Randomness at the Library

* * *

Chapter 2: Randomness?

_I Believe in Fantasies_ has logged on

_..._ has logged on

_Ramen Hokage _has logged on

_Lily of the Night _has logged on

_SASUKE KUN IS MINE _has logged on

* * *

...: I came at the wrong time...

SASUKE KUN IS MINE (Karin and Ino): SASU-KUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!

Ramen Hokage: guys i broke my keyboard so...im using a diff comp sry if i lag

I Believe in Fantasies: really? wht comp r u using?

Ramen Hokage: the library :D

Everyone but Hinata: ...

Ramen Hokage: well they made me sign up first so i could use the comp so guess wht my user and pass is!

Everyone but Hinata (again :P): wht? (they already know it)

Ramen Hokage: the user is ramen and the pass is ramen !!

Everyone but Sasuke and Hinata: OMG ! WE NVR KNEW!! (sarcasm much?)

Ramen Hokage: anyway, they also make me chek out a book every month T.T wnna know wht this month's book is?

I Believe in Fantasies: wht?

Ramen Hokage: it's "How to be a Pervert" by Jiraiya (spelling and last name?) slash Ero-sennin!! :D it's like the only good book there

Everyone (I MEAN EVERYONE :D): ...

I Believe in Fantasies: brb

_I Believe in Fantasies_ has set her status to "Away"

Ramen Hokage: anyways...

5 minutes later...

Ramen Hokage: nani? i hear a weird sound from behind the door...

Ramen Hokage: OMFG!! IT'S SAKURA-CHAN WITH A CHAIN SAW!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SHE'S RUINING THE LIBRARY DOORS!! OMFG?! WHO IS THAT WITH HER?? IT'S...IT'S...

Everyone but Sasuke: IT'S WHO?!

Ramen Hokage: IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON!! HE'S COMING TO RAPE ME!!

Everyone but Hinata: ...

* * *

Hinata looked at this disturbing message and angrily thought, "IF ANYONE IS GOING TO RAPE MY NARUTO-KUN, IT'S ME!" She barged out of her room, accidently hitting Neji square in the face with her door.

* * *

_Lily of the Night _has logged off

SASUKE KUN IS MINE: well, we're outta here. we're gonna go 2 the library and see how the baka's doing.

_SASUKE KUN IS MINE_ has logged off

...: Thank Kami-sama...

...: Besides Naruto getting killed by Sakura, I think I'm the only one here. Well, I'm gonna go do my "chores." PUTTING MY SECRET LOVE FOR SAKURA HARUNO INTO MY EMO BLACK DIARY!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

_..._ has signed off

_Sexy Konoha Green Beast (Lee) _has logged on

Sexy Konoha Green Beast: hello? SAKURA-CHAN! aw shes away. naruto? hello?? naruto??

10 minutes later (while Naruto is still getting killed with a chainsaw and ino and karin r at the library eating popcorn watching sakura and michael jackson chase naruto with a chainsaw and a perverted gay look on their faces (the gay look is Michael Jackson) )

Sexy Konoha Green Beast: -anime tears- NO ONE LIKES ME!!

_Sexy Konoha Green Beast _has logged off

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish (Akatsuki): FOOLS! THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE WERE HERE!! HA HA HA HA!! Now for our secret plan. READY?! GO!!

Downloading _Hack Version .52_

* * *

Another chappie of Crappy Naruto Chat :D Thanks to all the people who encouraged me. P.S: I'M NOT LEAVING!! WHOO HOO! Though I might not update some stories soon, like the Witch one and the Mew Mew...Etc. Lol. I WILL BE CONTINUING CRAPPY NARUTO CHAT! Thanks to encouragers and spring-pain146 for ideas of hacking and stuff! I WILL ADD EM!!

from your fellow crappy writer (:D)

P.S. Guys! Other characters WILL BE COMING SOON! PROMISE! SWEAR!


	4. The Fight

_**CHAPTER 4: The Fight b4 the vacation...**_

SASUKE KUN IS MINE has logged on.

I Believe in Fantasies has logged on.

SASUKE KUN IS MINE: SAKURA YOU BITCH! YOU AND MICHAEL JACKSON CUT ALL OF MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR OFF! I'M PRACTICALLY BALD! F-CKING BITCH!  
I Belive In Fantasies: well sorry! not my fault HE had a chainsaw. uh...ino? karin?

SASUKE KUN IS MINE has been banned for cursing.

I Believe in Fantasies: ...Well...glad thats over with! i wonder y were banned for cursing now. we nvr were...well imma gonna go to vacation, prolly not gonna be on much anymore. bye?

I Believe in Fantasies has logged off.

Everyone but Ino and Sakura and Sasuke have logged on.

Lily of the Night: Naruto-kun, I heard Sasuke-san and Sakura-chan are arguing about something. I can hear it from my house. By the way, did that mean Michael Jackson hurt you??

Ramen Hokage: gee, idk, hinata. i can hear 'em too. i wonder whts going on...and yes, actully raped me...

Pervert Master: i know wht their doing! they're having mad, drunken, sex! (sry...that's usually how jiraiya acts...im sowwy D:)

Everyone: ...

_Ramen Hokage and Pervert Master have been banned for sexual talk._

Everyone again: ...

Lily of the Night: NARUTO - KUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

* * *

_At Sasuke's House_

"IF YOU THINK I'M THAT WEAK, LET ME FIGHT ON MY OWN! PROTECTING ME ISN'T GOING TO GET ME ANY STRONGER!" a she-voice yelled. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PROTECT ME? I'M PERFECTLY CAPABLE ON MY OWN! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD!"

She was on the verge of tears.

A man's voice was heard.

"I HAVE TO PROTECT YOU, SAKURA! DON'T YOU SEE? IF I DON'T, YOU'D GET KILLED! WE CAN'T LET YOU GO BY YOURSELF LIKE THAT!"

Angry tears flowed down her face.

"SASUKE, I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU'RE SO..."

She finally felt the tears rapidly streaming through her anger. She touched them to see if they really were there. They were.

Sasuke looked at Sakura shocked; seeing Sakura suffering, especially crying, made him feel all queasy inside. Like it was all his fault. He cared for her too much to hurt her like that.

"I-I think you're right, Sasuke-kun," she spoke through sobs. "I am too weak, I am, and that's the reason why you protect me. I'm too weak, that I cant even stop crying," Sakura managed a very small laugh. "W-Well, I'll see you around, Sasuke-kun," and with that, she burst out of his apartment, her short pink hair flowing behind her.

Sasuke jumped on his back onto his bed and hit himself with the palm of his hand onto his beautiful forehead. "Women!" he muttered, his hand over his eyes. He stared at the ceiling for a while. "Sakura...What have I done?"

End of Chapter 4.


	5. A trap for the Dobe

_Ramen Hokage _has logged in.

_..._ has logged in.

_Icha Icha Sensei_ has logged in.

Icha Icha Sensei: sooooooo i heard jiraiya got banned and naruto how the hell did you get unbanned?

Ramen Hokage: instead of Open Sesame i said UNBAN SESAME!

Kakashi and Sasuke: ...

Icha Icha Sensei: hey sasuke , iheard sakura and u were fighting. shes been crying her eyes out and wont come out like 24/7...she cries herself to sleep and barely eats a thing.

...: I dont want to talk about it...shut up...

Ramen Hokage: YOU STALK HER SENSEI?? OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

...: STFU NARUTO! THIS IS A BAD TIME YOU DOBE! CANT YOU SEE IM SUFFERING _EMOTIONAL STRESS_?! GOD!

Ramen Hokage: Hey! hey guys! i got addicted 2 something else beside ramen!! theres this new song called "Witch Doctor" and its soooooooo hilarious (A/N: i just found out the song and I LOVE IT!) it starts out like: HEY WITCH DOCTOR! GIVE US THE MGIC WORDS! and the doctors like okay...you go like Ooh Eeh Ooh Ah Aah Ting tang Walla Walla Bing Bang...and the other guy goes like ALRIGHT! and starts singing th magic words and even though its a ghey song it rox, etc. its by toybox :) (i will put the link up later if you want xD)

...: NARUTO! SHUT UP!! IF YOU TALK ABOUT THE EFFING WITCH DOCTOR AGAIN I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY THAT OOH EEH PHRASE! thats it. im going, too many losers who are such b!tches...

_..._ has logged off.

Ramen Hokage: ahh...so wht i miss?

Icha Icha Sensei: the losers i have for students...oh screw them...

_Icha Icha Sensei_ has logged off.

_SASUKE KUN IS MINE_ has logged on.

SASUKE KUN IS MINE: inos making a new acc, this is karin. U ALL SUCK FOR DOWNLOADING A CURSE HACK, OMFG. FUCK YU ALL (sry for language...)

_SASUKE KUN IS MINE_ has been banned for cursing.

* * *

Meanwhile at Karin's house...

"DAMNIT! I DIDN'T EVEN LAST A MINUTE! Im going to Ino's house and make a new account with her, god damnit." Karin headed over to Ino's house without realizing that she herself the retard and Ino the other retard twin could make as many accounts as they wanted but couldn't enter a chat AGAIN. At least not with Sasuke and the gang. So ha, there. So, the Akatsuki's hack was pretty good after all :)

_Sexy Konoha Green Beast_ has logged on.

Sexy Konoha Green Beast: SAKURA?! HAIIIIIIIII!! DAMNIT! SHE'S NOT THERE! T.T

Ramen Hokage: HEY! BUSHY BROWS! sasuke-turd hurt sakura's feelings and now shes crying and wont come out of her house. i tried 2 give her like apologizing flowers 2 make her feel betta but she started bawling and then she kicked me in the "you know wht" and it really really hurt :(

Sexy Konoha Green Beast: SAKURA-CHAN!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_Sexy Konoha Green Beast_ has gone "Away" to buy flowers to a girl who hates his guts.

_AKAMARU IS MY PRETTY PET PET_ has logged on.

AKAMARU IS MY PRETTY PET PET: heyy naruto-baka. akamaru is here and he so KAWAII :D so wht up

_WHY CANT YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME TO BE AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU RACIST TO BUGS?! _has logged on.

Ramen Hokage: hai shino! OMFG! i'm...i'm racist? -insert pouty anime tear face here- IM NOT RACIST TO BUGS :( see? see? I LOVE THEM! IM HUGGING ONE RIGHT NOW! -hugs bug- oops...i gave it 2 much love and i squished it. oops. uh...haha nice joke um...

WHY CANT YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME TO BE AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU RACIST TO BUGS?!: ...Naruto...you are SO dead once I come over there...

_WHY CANT YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME TO BE AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU RACIST TO BUGS?!_ has gone "Away" to kill a certain baka for being racist to bugs.

AKAMARU IS MY PRETTY PET PET: OMFG! AKAMARU, BAD DOG! YOU PEED ON MY FREAKING COMPUTER! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS COST ME?

_AKAMARU IS MY PRETTY PET PET_ has disconnected from the chat.

Ramen Hokage: hm...so wht should i do know for the last 10 minutes of my death...hm...

Ramen Hokage: I KNOW! SING THE WITCH DOCTOR SONG! WOOT!!

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: No need, Naruto. Why don't you come "Play" with us? Hahaha. And you can also sing the F.U.N song with us. F IS FOR FRIENDS WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER!

Ramen Hoakge: ew...F is for friends who do "stuff" together. PERV hahahahaha... i crak myself up. speaking of crack do u smoke it?

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: ...Um...

* * *

Akatsuki headquarters:

Konan: HA! THAT BAKA GOT YOU GOOD, ITACHI! LMAO ROFL I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Itachi: Shut the hell up...

Konan: -cough crack smoker cough-

* * *

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: Naruto, meet us at the Konoha gate. If you do in less than 10 minutes, we'll give you a lifetime supply of free ramen.

Naruto thinks: hm...10 minutes to await my death...10 minutes 2 get to the gate for free ramen...hm... hard choice. very, very hard...

Ramen Hokage: I'LL TAKE THE RAMEN :D

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: Great! Meet us there!

_Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish _has logged off.

Ramen Hokage: WHOO! wait, did i make a good choice?? should i have taken the death?? idk now ill meet em

Lily of the Night: WAIT! NARU-

Ramen Hokage has set his status to "Away" to get free ramen that's neva gonna happen.

Lily of the Night: If only I weren't so shy I could've told Naruto-kun it was a trap...

Soo... this may be the longest chappie I've wrote...Lol.


	6. Yo Mama

Naruto ran As Fast As Possible to the Konoha Gate. He brought a couple large bags, along with his laptop. (He got a new computer after he broke his old one).

_Ramen Hokage_ has logged on.

_Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish_ has logged on.

Ramen Hokage: I'M HERE! DO I GET MY RAMEN?!

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: Well, Naruto, we'll be there soon. Just wait, our friend Pein will take over.

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: BAKA!! HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FELL FOR IT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU'RE SO FUCKING DUMB! ROFLMFAO! (It's their hack so they can curse, lol)

Ramen Hokage: OH YEAH?! WELL, YO MAMA IS SO FAT SHE STARTED AN EARTHQUAKE THAT MADE A 15 ON THE RICHTOR SCALE!

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: well, ur mother is so stoopid that she exercises when she can just get like...like...LIPOSUCTION or something...(From White Chicks)

Ramen Hokage: YO MAMA IS SO UGLY THE UGLIEST MAN ON EARTH MISTOOK HER FOR A RABID OVERSIZED SQUIRREL THAT WAS BALD IN EVERY PLACE!

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: well, ur mother is so...is so...um...Deidara you go...

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: YOUR MOTHER IS SO STUPID SHE ORDERED TWO SALADS AT ONCE! HAHAHAHA GUYS WASN'T THAT GREAT?? HAHAHAHAHAHA IM LAUGHING SO HARD!

Ramen Hokage: -.-'

Ramen Hokage: YO MAMA IS SO STUPID THAT SHE TRIED TO PUT M&M'S IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER!

* * *

Akatsuki Headquarters:

Konan: YOU GUYS GOT PWNED! HAHAHAHA ROFLMFAO!

Deidara and Pein: Stfu...

Konan: -cough _My_ cough _partners _cough _suck_ cough _at_ cough _Yo_ cough _Mama_ cough _jokes_ cough-

* * *

Naruto, however, was frustrated, and left an chat message saying, "sorry, but this noob was bugging me and he annoyed me and challenged me and he called me a BAKA so just email me at thnks ill b back soon if u want me later. so bb."

And with that, he strolled off with his many bags and his laptop.

Well that was short and I preferably like my last chapter (A trap for the Dobe) the best, lol. Thanks to hershey happy 76 for making the ad, I totally Lu-Lu-LUUUUUVED IT :D


	7. Apology Accepted

_Clouds R Cool_ has logged in.

_Ramen Hokage_ has logged in.

Ramen Hokage: haiiiiii shikamaru

_5 minutes later..._

Ramen Hokage: MEANIE! ANWER ME B!TCH! (A/N: LANGUAGE, NARUTO! LANGUAGE!)

_..._ has logged in.

_Icha Icha Sensei_ has logged in.

...: ...

Icha Icha Sensei: Sasuke, apologize to Sakura right now, or else I'll personally kick you off the Team, and kick your pretty-boy ass all the way to next week.

...: fine, god dmmit.

... has logged off.

Icha Icha Sensei: I just keep my cool like that :P HOLY CRAP! WHAT DID THE NEWS SAY?! THE...THE NEW VOLUME OF ICHA ICHA PARADISE IS OUT?! HOLY SHT! I GOTTA GO BUY IT CYA LATER BYE OMFG !!

_Icha Icha Sensei_ has logged off.

Clouds R Cool: hey naruto, this is chouji. shikamaru fell asleep on the keyboard and then i had to take him off and backspace over 500 letters so i could write 2 u 2 let you know...(the things i do for friends...) TIME TO EAT MORE CHIPS!

_Clouds R Cool_ has logged off.

Ramen Hokage: WHY AM I SO ALONE?! -sob, cry-

* * *

Akatsuki Headquarters:

Itachi: PEIN YOU IDIOT! YOU CHALLENGED HIM TO A YO MAMA CONTEST?! WE ALL KNOW YOU SUCK AT IT! AND YOU DROVE HIM AWAY? WTF?! WE WERE SO CLOSE! I CAN'T EVEN TRUST YOU WITH THE GROCERIES!

Pein: Sorry! He bugged me...and he was challenging me. AND DEIDARA AND I LOST! WE NVR LOSE!

Konan: -cough So cough Untrue cough-

Pein and Itachi: SHUT THE HELL UP!

* * *

At Sakura's house:

"Sob, sniff," was all the pink-haired kunoichi could manage out of her sweet, dainty mouth, and all of the tears that were running down her face were from her red puffy eyes.

There was a knock on the door. Sakura didn't budge at all. There was a louder knock. She sniffed again, burying her face in her hands. Sasuke finally lost his temper and said, "Sakura, if you don't open this door right now I'm knocking it down." She wouldn't answer, so he shook his head impatiently and brought it down with one punch. He gasped when he saw the cherry blossom, looking as though she'd been in a state of terror worse than anyone could ever imagine.

"Sakura..." he whispered while stepping forward, arm extended. She didn't look up from her hands, but she started crying even more, her whole body shaking with every tear. He thought to himself, "What have I done?" Sasuke said to her, "If you don't want me here, I'll leave. But I just wanted to tell you, I'm sorry," (How un-Sasuke-like is that?!) When there was still no answer, he turned to leave, but he stopped whne he heard the word, "Don't."Sakura revealed her face, looking very um...not Sakura-like. She quickly wiped her eyes and face with a moist towel.

"Sasuke-k-kun..." she whispered. She ran off the bed and hugged him, arms around his neck. She started bawling again, harder than ever into his chest, soaking his dark-blue (they're wearing Genin clothes, except in a larger size) shirt, while he oddly patted her on the head. "Gomenasai, Sasuke-kun," she murmured. "I love you more than anything in the universe," (we all know he likes Sakura because when he said "I'LL PUT MY LOVE FOR HARUNO SAKURA IN MY EMO BLACK DIARY!" that kinda gave it away :P)

Sasuke touched Sakura's face and said, "Look at me," but when she raised her head up at the Uchiha, he kissed her without warning. And, Sakura, being as teary as she is, kissed _her_ Sasuke back while crying. (Lol, couldn't think of anything else)

Sasuke responded with an "I love you, Haruno Sakura," before she could hug him again. (The broken door was left unrepaired...sux for the tree)

* * *

Ramen Hokage: LALALALALALA. it's been 10 freaking minutes and idk wht 2 do now...

_Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish_ has logged on.

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: Naruto, do you want your free ramen now? Come over to the Hot Springs; we'll meet you there. And no, you will not have another Yo Mama competition: Don't whine.

Ramen Hokage: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Ramen Hokage: WTF! MY COMPUTER SIGNAL! IT'S DISCONNECTING! SOMEONE'S ON MY ROOF! OMFG! IT'S...IT'S...!

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: It's who?? (thinks: God damit! We're losing the 2nd chance of having the baka here!)

Ramen Hokage: SHINO!! I WASNT BEING RACIST TO BUGS, SWEAR! SEE?! SEE?! IM HUGGING ONE RIGHT NOW! I...Oops...i did it again. hey taht reminds me! OOPS I DID IT AGAIN! I PLAYED WITH UR HEART! GOT LOST IN THIS GAME! OOH BABY BABY!

Ramen Hokage has disconnected because of a bug-lover has cut off his Internet connection and he sucked at singing Britney Spears' music.

Join the Akatsuki We Have Pretty Coats and Shiny Nail Polish: DAMNTI! SHINO WHOEVER YOU ARE YOU SUCK!! WE WERE SO FREAKING CLOSE! Oh well...Time for plan C. Disguise one of you as a sexy girl and fool Naruto with it. Konan can't be the person cuz she doesn't have boobs.

Konan: WHAT THE FRICK?! PERVERTS!! I _AM_ SEXY! YOU JUST CAN'T SEE IT CUZ YOU GUYS ARE PERVS!!

* * *

I thought that chappie sucked (especially with Sasuke and Sakura, I can't write romance at all :P) no flames please D: What will happen with Konan? No one has gotta know...


	8. NigaHiga

Meanwhile at the Akatsuki...

Itachi was holding a hot-pink colored potion. "Now, who will accept this potion, as an honor of our squad, and greatfully become a majestic creature of the opposite sex, to uphold the Baka known as Uzumaki Naruto?" (He was taking his speech so seriously it was like the President making his speech before he got voted...Idk anything about politics.)

Everyone backed away.

"No one? No one? Well, then, we'll settle this the manly way! -insert dramatic music here-"

"ROCK! PAPER! SCISSORS! SHOOT!" Everyone said as they all put their hands in to challenge each other in a manly yet violent solution to their problems. Konan was excused, due to their conversation about not having big enough boobs (how pervy are they?!).

In the end, Kisame lost, while everyone else tied. It was going to be hard having a girl who looked like a shark with pale blue skin to attract a ramen addict. Then again, being the Baka as he is, everyone bet he couldn't tell a rabid squirrel from his mother (Idea from chap. 6). (To Hikari :D Yup, his mom's dead, but in this fic, Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto's parents are... um...Ker-Splat...D:. Sowwy :( Dat was mean, I know but I didn't want to say the 3 letter word...)

Itachi had Konan go on a shopping spree with a screaming Kisame, who would only quiet down if Konan would buy him a pretzel. ("With extra salt, and some of this, and some of that, oh, and SPRINKLES!" The cashier thought he was mental :P Who wouldn't?) Konan spent 20 bucks on a pretzel he only HALF ATE before he threw it away. She was pissed.

But she bought some sexy clothes for Kisame (secretly using Deidara's money, who later, in his bedroom, screamed, "HEY! PEIN! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WITH MY MONEY?!"), who refused to even _touch_ "those" as he called it. But then, when Itachi gave Kisame a drink of water, he poured the whole bottle (the more drops, the more attractive the girl is) and, Kisame, being as careless as he is, drank the potion (and the water) in one gulp, suddenly transforming into a woman more beautiful than the hottest fashion model on Earth. His pale blue skin was gone, and so were his fish-gills. Problem was, he was naked. All the guys fainted (the perverted kind of faint. Wouldn't Jiraiya be happy to see a woman like THIS in Konoha) and Konan shrieked at the top of her lungs, "AH! MY VIRGIN EYES!" (Special thanks to Hikari Midnight for the idea :D) Kisame had a nosebleed at looking at his own body...

* * *

_ I Believe in Fantasies_ has logged on.

_..._ has logged on.

_Sexy Konoha Green Beast_ has logged on.

* * *

Sexy Konoha Green Beast: WB SAKURA-CHAN!!

...: hands off, spandex-boy, she's **_MINE._**

I Believe in Fantasies: SASUKE-KUN! STOP BEING MEAN! :(

...: sorry, sakura-**_CHAN_**

Sexy Konoha Green Beast: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

_Sexy Konoha Green Beast _has logged off.

I Believe in Fantasies: SASUKE-KUN! SEE WHAT YOU DID?? aww, the poor guy :(

...: sakura, he was HITTING on you. and wehn you're MINE too. god, i dont want this spreading all over konoha...pretend we're still single...imma ignore u...but u know thats gonna be hard on me /

I Believe in Fantasies: -sigh- alright, sasuke-kun. only for you...

_I Believe in Fantasies_ has logged off.

_..._ has logged off.

* * *

Going to Konoha classes:

Ino and Karin stopped Sasuke, who was walking alone. They clung onto each of his arms. He thought hard while biting his lip, "Only for Sakura...Only for Sakura..." Ino asked, "Sasuke-kun, are you alright? Guess what! We both got banned, so we can't talk to you anymore :(" Ino and Karin frowned. Sasuke's inner shrieked with joy, as if he and Sakura had just gotten married.

Naruto greeted them, as with Sakura, with a small smile and and a pang of jealousy as Ino and Karin smirked while clutching Sasuke's arm tighter against their bigger-than-Sakura-breasts.

Naruto acted out a play; Everyone watched.

THE FOLLOWING PLAY IS RATED T FOR LANGUAGE, CRUDE HUMOR, AND VIOLENCE.

(Based on NigaHiga's (My fave youtuber :D) "I Wanna Play A Game"

Naruto, Lee, and Kiba stood up.

Kiba was on a spinny chair while Naruto was picking his nose. They continued this for 2 more minutes. Everyone sweatdropped, some girls screamed in disgust. Then Kiba finally said. "Hey I like your earhole," and naruto said, "Thanks." "And you have the cleanest right nostrol I've ever seen..." The girls who had just fainted and got back up fainted again. Naruto was bored and said, "What should we do now?" Kiba responded with a "We'll sing..."

Kiba and Naruto were now singing a duet (I don't know the song that plays in, so I'll choose one) THE WITCH DOCTOR! Kiba was on the spinny chair again while Naruto popped in and out singing "Ooh Eeh Ooh Ah Ahh Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang"

Suddenly, another scene popped up, with Naruto's cell phone singing the Egg Song, which was ringing there and then. He picked it up. "Hello?" Some voice said, "Hello, Naruto. I want to play a game," Naruto said, "OOH, I LIKE GAMES!" "For the past 10 -" "What kind of games are we going to play? I like Scrabble! No goldfish!No wait, that's too much thinking..." "could I please speak to someone else..." "OH SURE! BUSHY BROWS!" Lee had the phone. "Hello, Lee, for the past-" "HELLO? HELLO? HELLOOOOO? (He was trying to be funny for Sakura) HELLO??" "FAWK!" said the voice.

The phone was ringing again. This time Naruto picked it up. "Oh, fuck, it's you again," said the voice. "Hey, you're back!" Naruto exclaimed. "Uh, can I speak to Kiba?" "He's kinda busy right now, but I can put you on Speaker..." "Ugh...Fine." Naruto said, "Okay, hold on a second." Meanwhile, at the sensei's table, Kiba was doing extremely hard math problems. They were:  
2 plus 3 equals 7

And he left one blank, for he was working on it. He punched in the numbers on a calculator for the last problem.

3 plus 4 equals...

"Ah, of course, of course!" said Kiba. He drew a Smiley Face with his permanent Sharpie Marker. "Now it all makes sense..."

Naruto came. "SOMEONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!" "Hello, Kiba," said the voice. "I wanna play a game." "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??" The voice said: "I told you...I wanna play a game." "Oh, okay," he nodded. "I wanna play a game with all three of you..." Kiba said to the appearing Naruto and Lee on his sides, "Where did you guys come from?" They answered in a monotone voice: We heard...

"10 years ago, all 3 of you suffered from an unknown disease known as: ADHD. For this reason, I will make your lives miserable. The rules are simple. The last man standing, wins."

Kiba looked at Lee. He whipsered in Naruto's ear, "You know, if we kill Lee, we have a better chance of winning," Naruto and Kiba looked at Lee. "Yay!" Lee shouted, with his thumbs up.

SKIPPING TO THE END.

Kiba walked into a closet, that sadly said, "YOU LOSE."

Sakrua was the only one who applauded: It took up a full 45 minutes of their time. Everyone was glad it was over.

(Sorry, did I say too much? lol)

Lee ran up to Sakura and kissed her hand. Sasuke pushed Ino and Karin away, who clung to Sasuke's arms the whole time. He punched Lee in the face and whispered dangerously in his ear so that only he and Lee could hear, "You do that again to my Sakura, and I'll kill you," Sakura, however was dumbstruck. She got angry at Sasuke for punching him. She'd decide what to do later.

But she gave Naruto a high-five. Boy, was he adorable :D

Then there came a knock on the door. A beautiful woman had come in. Sasuke gaped at her, but then realized that she (I mean, He) was an ugly bitch, and that Sakura was so much hotter than that _thing. _(Not turning into a "I have a gf, she's hotter than that girl, but then 5 minutes later, Dump the old gf and ask the other girl out. If it was I'd kill myself)

The girl said in a seductive voice, "Where is Uzumaki Naruto?"

To be continued...

I didn't really like this chapter. I think I did a bad job with the Nigahiga xD


	9. Poor Hinata D:

I'll try an idea or two. Maybe something'll spark up.

"Eh...I'm Uzumaki Naruto..." Naruto said, looking at the woman. She led him outside to talk to him, "her" long blue hair tickling his bare skin. Naruto blushed and gave one of his nifty smiles.

You should've seen the expression on Hinata's face. Or...Nah, you wouldn't. Her face was the color (I'm stealing a line from my other story! :D) of red so undescribable that the workers who make the wax crayons the Crayola factory shrieked, "HOLY SHIT! WE HAVE TO MAKE A NEW COLOR TO MATCH THE ONE ON HINATA HYUUGA'S FACE!" meaning, she was angry and would've blown up a third world country if she had one to blow up.

Lee and Sasuke were still glaring daggers at each other. Kiba was munching on something unidentible. (sp?)

"Kiba...what are you eating?" said Shino, his eyes covered, as usual.

"-munch- Nothing," said Kiba, continuing to eat the "thing."

"Seriously, Kiba. What are you eating?"

"I told you! Nothing! -munch- (OMG he sounds like Chouji now -.-'')"

"Kiba, if you don't tell me what you're eating, I'll force it out of you," said Shino threatingly.

"NOTHING! GAWD..."

"That's it."

It took Shino many attempts to pull the object out of Kiba's grasp. Covered with Akamaru's dog drool and Kiba's saliva, Shino held a rubber chicken badly scarred with bite marks. He stared at Kiba with disbelief behind his glasses.

"You were eating a rubber chicken." Shino said, holding up the chicken with nose clippers (don't ask :P)

"SO THE CHICKEN FACTORY LIED TO ME?! I GOT SCAMMED OF FIFTEEN HARD-EARNED DOLLARS!!" Kiba yelled, anime tears flowing down his face, as he buried his head into his arms.

"All the money you "earn" is the money from Naruto's froggy wallet. 'Course, he's too stupid to realize _who _stole it."

"HEY!" a voice said from behind.

Kiba and Shino and everyone else turned around. It was no other than...

Uzumaki Naruto.

"YOU TOOK MY RAMEN MONEY?!" Naruto said, his face turning even redder than Hinata's from before. This caused the Crayola factory to stop making Hinata's color of red and then started on their new project. The "Uzumaki Naruto Ramen" red.

Kiba twiddled his fingers like Hinata did. "Erm...Funny story about that..."

Shino acted his normal self. He stared at the wall silently, avoiding making eye contact with Naruto.

Hinata tried to speak up. "Er...Um...Naruto-kun, w-what did th-that b-b-(she stopped herself from saying "bitch") l-lady ask y-you?"

Naruto turned his attention towards Hinata, smiling widely.

"Oh, Kikki-chan? (Kisame's girl name...I guess. Unless you guys can vote on a better one? o.0) Yeah, we're going out now :D" said Naruto, blushing a delicate shade of pink.

At this, Hinata burst into tears and ran out of the room.

Naruto stared at her, scratching the back of his head. "Eh? What's wrong with her today?" Then he shrugged.

Sakura grabbed Naruto by the collar. "DON'T YOU GET IT, YOU -she said a word here that made someone in the crowd go, "HARUNO SAKURA!"- IDIOT! SHE LIKES YOU! AND YOU GO ON TELLING HER THAT YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH ANOTHER GIRL, SERIOUSLY, WHAT GOES THROUGH THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS?!" She said, shaking him.

"S-Sakura-chan, I..."

She spat at him. "Give your apologies to Hinata, you -she said another word here like before, but this time no one bothered to point it out- bastard..."

And she ran after Hinata.


	10. The Date

I know, I may have been a little cruel (er, sorry, a LOT cruel) to poor Hinata...but that was part of the story! D: Dunt hate meh T.T

And now a bad thought just struck me. How do I end it?! Advice is highly recommended TT.TT

I know, I know, I want to kick Kisame in his girly-balls too, so let's go on strike! O well, starting the story. Hope you enjoyz it :D

* * *

Running as far as she could before stopping and collapsing, Hinata sobbed nearly all the fluids in her body out.

_Stupid Naruto..._she thought. _Why the hell did I fall for him? Why? _She continued to cry.

_B-but...I...I'm jealous aren't I? That means...I still have feelings? That also means why...I'm in here the first place..._

"Hinata! Hinata! Where are you?" a voice called out.

Hinata squeaked and, using her awesome ninja skills, hid herself.

"Hinata! I know you're here somewhere!" said the voice. It was no other than Hinata's best friend, Haruno Sakura.

Hinata hid herself more thoroughly.

"HINATA! PLEASE COME OUT! I WANT TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU!"

She still hadn't come out.

"Maybe I didn't find her..." said Sakura in a defeated voice. She slumped, walking slowly back towards where she came from.

Hinata came out from behind and quickly hugged Sakura. Tears poured down her eyes.

"_Tell me everything._"

* * *

"So...Naruto-kun...I see you're...14?"

"I'm 17," he said smiling again. "What about you?"

"I'm 24. So..." she said, seeing the horrified expression on Naruto's face. "Do I look like an old lady to you?"

He quickly made his face straight. "No, no, not at all! You look really pretty though! Like...really pretty."

She smiled. "Thanks. You aren't too shabby either."

"I'm pretty?"

"No, silly. You're good looking." Kisame/Kikki smirked. Their plan was going perfectly right now.

"Ahh...I see." He grinned mischievously and played with his fingers with an EVIL look on his face.

They were at Icharaku's, waiting for their food.

"HURRY UP!!" Naruto whined.

Kisame/Kikki playfully smacked the back of his head, with the transexual's blue colored skin now a delicate peach-color. Naruto whined more.

The food came. Kikki (I'll just call him/her that for now) stared at him with disgust as he began gulping down HUGE bowls of ramen down every 5 seconds. Kikki picked at her food. She never had an interest for ramen. (Me: -GASP- HOW DARE YOU!) Naruto stared at her picking her food.

"What, you don't like ramen?"

She shook her head.

"Can I have it?"

She pushed the bowl towards him. He gulped it down, starting on more bowls.

Kikki puked. By then Naruto had finished all his ramen.

"Eh...That was good. Since I'm the guy here, and I'm gonna be nice, I'll pay!"

Naruto opened his froggy wallet. A fly flew out of it. He sweatdropped at the inside, his eyes turning as big as the ramen bowls.

He dug inside the wallet even deeper. The only thing he found were even more dead flies. Blech...

Naruto turned worringly towards Kisame. The waiter was looking pissed, tapping his fingers repeatedly. Kikki sighed, pulled out her wallet, and gave the waiter all the money in it. Naruto grinned.

"Thanks a lot!" he yelled.

"Don't mention it..." she murmured.

"Seriously! Thanks a lo-!"

"Seriously. _Dont. Mention. It._"

Naruto, being the same height as Kikki/Kisame, put an arm around the transexual's waist, and pulled him/her closer to himself. Kikki growled. Naruto didn't notice.

They continued on their "date."


	11. Short Chappie

Ty Nicoli-chan! I LIKE THAT IDEA :D

Starting the story...

P.S. THANKZ TO ALL THE REVIEWS!!

Hinata and Sakura were talking.

"S-So...U-Um...Maybe I d-d-don't want t-to talk a-about N-N-N-N-Naruto-kun r-right now..." stuttered Hinata.

"Sure! Sure! I'll tell you everything when you want. Okay?" Sakura said.

"O-Okay...T-T-Thank you, S-S-Sakura-chan..." Hinata said, tackling her friend in a hug so that she fell backwards.

"You're welcome...Please...Stop...Choking..." her face turned blue as she struggled to wrestle Hinata off of her.

"Oh. S-Sorry..."

"No problem..." Sakura said, massaging her neck.

Hinata and Sakura stared at each other for a good 10 seconds.

"Will you t-tell me about y-y-y-you and S-S-S-S-Sasuke-s-san?"

Sakura turned a delicate shade of pink. It was as if her whole face was a giant bubblegum.

"Y-You don't have t-t-t-to...You k-know..."

"No, no, if you want to know, I'll tell you. What do you want to know?"

Hinata started bombarding her with questions.

"How long have you guys been dating? Do you love him? Are you sure he loves you? Did you kiss? Did you..."

Hinata turned as red as she was normally around Naruto. She stuttered her last sentence.

"D-Did you guys...d-d-d-do "_it?" _

Sakura turned fire-red and fainted like Hinata would've done.

* * *

"So..." Naruto began.

"What?" Kikki glared, his arm still around his/her waist.

"C-can I kiss you?"

"_No._" Kikki said, stressing out the word.

Naruto hadn't heard, he kissed Kikki full on the lips with such a passion that Hinata would've been angry enough to murder _Naruto. _And that's saying something.

Kikki kicked him in the crotch, tossed his long blue hair back, and walked away, chin up.

Naruto was on the ground, clutching his "you-know-what."

* * *

Hinata doused Sakura's face with buckets of cold water. After the 14th one, Sakura woke, accidently getting water in her nostrils (I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!!).

"Ugh...Thanks..." Sakura said. She looked down at her shirt, turned red, and looked as if Sasuke were here, he'd turn the color of his tomatos. Then he would smirk and take advantage of the situation.

"S-Sorry I a-asked that q-q-q-question..." Hinata said.

"Huh? Oh, no problem, no problem," Sakura said, trying to dry her shirt.

"But no...We didn't do it yet..." Sakura said.

Hinata interrupted Sakura.

"I'm going to see what Naruto's doing." (Sakura's face was like O.O Hinata didn't stutter :D)

"Let's go."

They walked hand in hand out of the forest, Sakura's shirt still wet.

GAHHHHHH SRY ITS SHORT D:


	12. KIKKI'S KISAME?

Hinata and Sakura were hiding behind a bush, "stalking" Naruto and Kikki. Sakura (Yes, her shirt is still wet) was stalking Naruto, who was still clutching his "you know what," ignoring passerbys staring at him. Hinata was stalking Kikki/Kisame, who was taking a walk by himself.

Sakura was highly bored. For another 10 minutes Naruto was still clutching his crotch. He must've done something or else Kikki wouldn't have kicked him. Then a voice came behind Sakura.

"Hey, Sakura,"

Sakura didn't bother to turn behind. She waved impatiently. "Go away, I'm busy."

"Hn. Sorry."

She turned around.

"SASUKE-KUN! GOMEN!" she said, flinging her arms around his neck.

He smirked, kissed her forehead, grabbed her around the waist, and whispered, "Your shirt is wet."

Sakura turned red. "Long story. Anyways...if you're asking...Hinata and I are stalking Naruto and his date...Yeah. Like I said...Long story."

Sasuke and Sakura were both stalking Naruto now, with Sakura on Sasuke's lap (he'd forced her on there). This caused Sakura to turn a delicate shade of pink, lighter than her hair, though.

"Why is Naruto rolling on the ground...doing "_that?" _

"I don't know, really...He must've pissed Kikki off."

"Kikki?"

"God, don't you pay attention? Naruto's _date." _

"Ahh..."

Sasuke pulled Sakura closer to him, snuggling his head between her neck and shoulder.

"Sasuke-kun...Not now..."

"Sorry...You're just too hard to resist..."

"Aw...That's sweet. Just...not now, okay?"

"Alright."

After a while when they saw that Naruto was still remaining the position that caused a little girl's mother to say, "Don't look, Chiko-chan! Hobos are infesting this town!" And with that the girl's mother dragged her away from the "hobo."

Sasuke and Sakura, realizing that Naruto would be occupied with his "thing," were making out dearly, not noticing Ino and Karin spying on them, crying anime tears, with their heart broken and highly thinking of suicide. (A long and painful one, mind you! ;D)

Meanwhile with Hinata...

* * *

Hinata was in a ninja suit stalking Kikki. Suddenly Kikki met up with a blonde-haired boy that looked like Ino's brother but so much hotter than her. (HA!)

"Kisame...You got him?"

"Er...Funny story about that, really..."

The blonde boy clutched Kikki's collar.

"_What. Happened." _he said.

"Eh...Well...the Naruto boy...he kissed me..."

Hinata let out a shriek of fury so loud it caused the worst earthquake in the history of history.

"What was that?!" Kikki and the blonde boy said.

"Oh no!! Deidara...THE POTION'S WEARING OFF!" Kikki said, regaining the short jaggy blue hair and the blue skin.

Hinata gasped and nearly fainted. (_nearly)_

"Kikki" turned out to be one of the "wanted" people by Konoha :D And...NARUTO LOST HIS FIRST KISS TO A GUY?! Hinata shrieked again.

"WHO'S THERE?! I'M ARMED!" the blonde boy said.

"Deidara, I think we're having hallucinations...Let's go."

"Yeah. Let's go."

Hinata rushed back to tell Sakura who Kikki really was.

* * *

Sasuke and Sakura were still making out. Sakura, like a mind-reader, knew Sasuke would take advantage of the "situation" with the wet shirt. Ooh...Sasuke was enjoying this...

"SAKURA-CHAN! SAKURA-CHAN! YOU'LL NEVER...U-Uh...D-D-Did I in-interrupt s-s-s-something?" Hinata said, blushing furiously at the sight of Sasuke and Sakura.

Sakura blushed even redder, while Sasuke made an "Oh crap" look.

"S-Sasuke-san...A-A-Are you and S-S-Sakura-chan...w-working t-t-t-together on t-this?" Hinata said.

"Erm...I guess you could say that. Yeah." Sasuke said, turning red too.

"Y-You'll n-never b-b-believe this...K-K-Kikki is..." Hinata breathed out. "K-Kikki is...K-K-Kisame..."

Sakura said, "Uh...H-Hinata-chan...Are you sure?"

Hinata nodded.

"Ahh...I believe you...Don't you, Sasuke-kun?" she said, looking at her beloved Sasu-chan.

"If you believe her...I'll believe you..." Sasuke muttered, holding "his" Sakura-chan closer.

"How'll we tell Naruto?" Sakura asked, laying her head on Sasuke's well-built chest. (drools...What I'd give to be her...)

"I think _you _will, Hinata," Sasuke said, stroking Sakura's hair.

"M-M-Me?! Why?!" Hinata screamed.

"Naruto won't believe us. He'll probably believe you, though. You're the kind who doesn't lie," said Sasuke, continuing to stroke Sakura's hair, kissing her forehead.

"F-Fine...B-But how?"

Sakura smiled.

"You'll find a way."

* * *

EH!! THANKS TO NICOLI-CHAN FOR GIVING ME THE IDEA THAT HINATA FINDS OUT KIKKI IS KISAME! YOU ROCK, GIRL!! :D

(Nicoli-chan ish .xXx.hikari.midnight.xXx.)


	13. Oh no no no no no no

TY TO ALL THE REVIEWERS! I weally wuv you guys :D

Special thnks to Nicoli-chan too :D That stupid pervert -.-''

Anyways heres the story...teehee? OMG sry guys I've never done the chatroom for some time. I will! PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE :D

* * *

Ramen Hokage has logged in.

Lily of the Night has logged in.

Ramen Hokage: hai hinata!

Lily of the Night: Er...Hi, Naruto-kun...

Ramen Hokage: ME AND KIKKI HAD A LOT OF FUN! xcept she punched me in the groin and it realy hurt D:

Lily of the Night: Aww...I'm sorry Naruto...Er, I mean...

Lily of the Night: Eh...Naruto-kun...I have something to tell you...It might be, erm...awkward, but...

Ramen Hokage: neh? wht is it?

Lily of the Night: Uhm...well...Kikki...Kikki's...Kisame...

Ramen Hokage: ...

Ramen Hokage: no seriously hinata. wht is it?

Lily of the Night: I told you! Kikki is Kisame!

Ramen Hokage: ...

Ramen Hokage (this is mean to Hinata-chan D:): ...hinata...y the hell did you make that fking junk up? ur just fking jealous, u no that? kikki's not kisame! okay? just...just leave me alone and let me deal with my own life. i dont need you to butt in.

Lily of the Night: Naruto-kun...Please...I'm not lying...

Ramen Hokage: after all these years i thought u were a nice girl. i guess i was wrong. you digust me, hinata.

Ramen Hokage has logged off.

(OMFG I THINK I WAS TOO MEAN TO HINATA D: IM SO SRY HINATA-CHAN! T.T)

* * *

Hinata burst into tears and logged off, refusing to eat or drink all day.

* * *

Sakura and Sasuke were at Sasuke's apartment. She lay her head on his chest, saying, "How do you think Hinata-chan's doing?"

"I think she's going to be alright," Sasuke said, kissing her hair.

"Should I make sure? I'm worried..."

"I guess...I really don't speak girl-talk."

"Well! I am offended!"

"Sorry, Sakura-chan," he said, kissing her forehead this time.

"It's okay..." she said, snuggling into Sasuke's chest.

"Scuse me a second, if you would," Sakura said, grabbing her cell phone and went into a private room. Sasuke ached for her to come back. He put his ear to the door and listened.

_One ring._

_Two rings._

_Three rings._

"Hinata...why arent you picking up..." Sakura said to the phone.

_Four rings._

_Five rings._

"This isn't good..." Sakura muttered.

_Six rings._

_Seven rings._

"H-Hello...Y-Y-You've r-reached H-Hinata H-H-Hyuuga's v-voicemail...I-I'm not h-here right n-now...s-so...Please l-leave a m-m-message..."

"This isn't like her," Sakura said, redialing. She got the same message for 6 times.

Sasuke then barged in.

"Eh? Sasuke-kun! Were you eavesdropping?"

"...Sorry...Why isn't she picking up?"

"If I knew then I wouldn't be calling, would I?"

"..."

"Gomen, Sasuke-kun..." she said, hugging Sasuke.

"It's okay...Let's go see her...Maybe you should...I'll check on Naruto..." Sasuke said, this time kissing her nose.

"You know, you're too sweet. For someone who seems awfully emo, gay, or asexual, you know how to treat a girl."

"You thought I was gay?"

"Well...you really...erm...never really...went out with girls before...and usually good-looking guys are gay...and...well...yeah..." Sakura said, her sentence interrupted when Sasuke kissed her full on her lips, his arms around her waist, kissing her with a passion undescribable for words.

She flung her arms around his neck and began kissing him back.

After a couple minutes or so, Sasuke said, "Let's go."

* * *

Naruto was in his apartment.

"Stupid Hinata...(HOW FKING DARE YOU!) She's just...Ugh...That little b!tch (NARUTO UZUMAKI, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!)...She just...DAMN HER!" Naruto said, destroying many things in his small room, accidently shattering glass cups, throwing out ramen bowls that he thought were trash bags, etc.

There was a knock on the door. "Dobe. It's Sasuke. Let me in?"

"Not now, Teme. Leave me alone!"

"Naruto. I'm counting to 3 and you better open the door before I hurt you _and _the door. One..."

Naruto ignored him.

"Two..."

He continued to ignore him.

"Thr-"

"OKAY! OKAY! I'M OPENING THE FUCKING DOOR! GOD!"

Naruto opened the door with such a force that it caused the same damage Sasuke would've done if he'd crashed it open.

"What do you want."

"What's up with you?"

"Nothing you need to know of."

"Can we talk?"

Naruto snorted.

"The Uchiha Sasuke talks? Puh-lease. Who are you and what have you done with the real Uchiha Sasuke?"

"Dobe. It's me. Just...let's talk, okay?"

"Fine. Have a seat."

Sasuke wasn't sure how to start the conversation.

* * *

"Hinata-chan? Hinata-chan?" Sakura yelled.

She could hear sniffling and crying.

"Hinata?"

No answer.

"Hinata, please open the door..."

No answer again.

"Please, Hinata, I want to talk to you. I know you're there."

"-sniff-"

"Did Naruto hurt you?"

"DON'T SAY HIS NAME IN FRONT OF ME!" she shrieked.

_What the fuck did Naruto do to her?!_

"Hinata, please. You can trust me with anything! Okay?"

"-sniff- N-N-N-N-N-N-No..."

"Eh? What do you mean no? We're best friends!"

"If you're my best friend, you'll understand that I don't want comforting and that I want you to...f-f-FUCKING get out!" Hinata stuttered when she said the curse word. She _never _cursed in all her 17 years of life.

"Okay. I'm sorry," Sakura said, leaving.

Hinata opened the door. "Wait...please..."

Sakura turned around and mentally gasped. Her long, shiny, midnight hair was frizzy, badly cut back to her genin days (where she had the short hair) with either a kunai, kitchen scissors, or a butcher knife. It was one of those asymmetrical haircuts. Half of it was cut, but the long half was horribly undescribable for words. Her nice pale eyes were hidden behind a fountain of tears and lots of red irratated skin from rubbing. Her nose was runny. Her wrists were bleeding. Sakura could see she was holding a kunai tipped with her blood.

"Hinata...What happened...Who did this to you...?" Sakura thought the last sentence was a stupid question. Of course she did it herself! Unless a mad drunk broke in and did that to her.

"-sniff- C-C-C-Come in...A-A-And I-I'll t-t-tell y-y-you the w-whole s-s-s-s-story..."

"I-I-I told _him _a-about K-Kisame...A-And he said...For me to...C-C-Can y-you read it y-y-yourself? I-It's o-on the c-c-c-computer..." Hinata said, pointing at the open AIM screen.

"Sure. Do you want tea? Hey, wait, gimme that. I don't want you hurting yourself," Sakura said, grabbing the kunai.

"T-Thanks...-sniff-"

"Hey. Best friends," Sakura said.

"S-Sakura-chan...B-B-Before you r-r-r-r-read...I-I just want to tell you...I-I-I might not be...h-h-here anymore..."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Means...I-I-I-I'm r-r-really t-t-thinking of s-s-suicide..."

"No...no no no no no no...Hinata...Don't do that! Please!"

"I-I-I said I'm t-t-t-thinking...it d-doesn't mean I w-will...J-Just read..."

"Okay."

_Ramen Hokage has logged in._

_Lily of the Night has logged in._

_Ramen Hokage: hai hinata!_

_Lily of the Night: Er...Hi, Naruto-kun..._

_Ramen Hokage: ME AND KIKKI HAD A LOT OF FUN! xcept she punched me in the groin and it realy hurt D:_

_Lily of the Night: Aww...I'm sorry Naruto...Er, I mean..._

_Lily of the Night: Eh...Naruto-kun...I have something to tell you...It might be, erm...awkward, but..._

_Ramen Hokage: neh? wht is it?_

_Lily of the Night: Uhm...well...Kikki...Kikki's...Kisame..._

_Ramen Hokage: ..._

_Ramen Hokage: no seriously hinata. wht is it?_

_Lily of the Night: I told you! Kikki is Kisame!_

_Ramen Hokage: ..._

_Ramen Hokage: ...hinata...y the hell did you make that fking junk up? ur just fking jealous, u no that? kikki's not kisame! okay? just...just leave me alone and let me deal with my own life. i dont need you to butt in._

_Lily of the Night: Naruto-kun...Please...I'm not lying..._

_Ramen Hokage: after all these years i thought u were a nice girl. i guess i was wrong. you digust me, hinata._

_Ramen Hokage has logged off._

Sakura turned off the screen.

"HE DID THAT TO YOU?!" she shrieked.

Hinata nodded, still crying, using up enough tissue to last a third world country for 20 or so years.

"I'm talking to him. I can't believe him, that sonofabitch!"

"No! N-No...P-P-Please don't...H-H-He's going to g-get a-a-a-a-angry with y-you too..."

"I DON'T CARE IF HE GETS ANGRY AT ME! I WANT HIM TO TAKE BACK WHAT HE SAID ABOUT YOU!"

"O-Okay...S-Sakura-chan...G-G-Good luck...T-T-Thank you..."

Sakura angrily marched to Naruto's apartment.

She could hear Sasuke and Naruto's conversation.

"Naruto...Er, well..."

"It's been an hour and you still haven't told me what you wanted to fucking talk about."

Sakura barged in.

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU HURT HINATA LIKE THAT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING RIGHT NOW? SHE CUT HER FUCKING BEAUTIFUL HAIR, AND NOW SHE'S FUCKING CUTTING HERSELF! SHE SAYS SHE'S HIGHLY THINKING OF SUICIDE! IT'S NOT FUNNY!" she screamed, looking at Sasuke's amused face.

"SASUKE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! I THOUGHT YOU..." Sakura burst into uncontrollable tears when she saw Sasuke struggling to not to laugh, and Naruto's snickering.

Sasuke's face quickly turned horrified. For real.

"S-Sakura-chan, I'd...I'd never hurt you..."

"LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU BASTARDS! IF YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL SORRY FOR SOMEONE, FEEL SORRY FOR HINATA!" Sakura screamed, tears pouring down her face. Sasuke made a move to comfort her, but she slapped his arm away.

"GET OFF OF ME, UCHIHA!"

She ran out of the room, back to Hinata.

"I'm so sorry...Sakura-chan..." Sasuke muttered.

Naruto's face was in a state of terror too. "H-Hinata...She...Oh my God..."

End of chapter.


	14. Vote!

Not a chapter; a vote:

Soooo...

You're probably wondering "what's gonna happen next D:" or "NO DON'T DIE HINATA!"

Well Idk where all the funniness has gone D: I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE THERE WILL BE A HAPPY ENDING! And a sequel if u guys want one :3

There IS going to be humor when all is settled out. This is my favorite story so far!! Idk why the High School story got more favs. But its okay :D

So back to the vote.

Some people want NaruHina, some want KibaHina...

And some other random pairings. Should this be SasuSaku? Cuz I'm sorta addicted (okay, I'm REALLY addicted to that couple).

Vote! :D Ending at 5:00 pm at September 15.

P.S. Spoiler for the ending: Ino and Karin WILL die a long, painful, and gruesome death, and Sasuke will be there to laugh his head off (No offense Ino fans D:)

Cheers!

Sasusaku Forever and Ever


	15. Results

Well guys...the vote results have come up...

And the winner is...(DRUM ROLL PLEASE!)

NaruHina!

I'm really sorry KibaHina fans D: I like KibaHina too...but I'll hafta go with NaruHina.

I WILL UPDATE SOON! :D Okay? Promise? Gives cookies to everyone. :D PROMISEEEE

P.S. There will be some KibaHina in there...hm


	16. Have I Found Someone New?

Sorry. I was on Writer's Block for SUCH a long time D:

Here it is :)

* * *

Sakura ran back to Hinata's room and started crying too.

Both girls were hugging each other, crying their eyes out.

"W-W-What happened?" Hinata managed to get out after many attempts.

"T-T-They...Well...I-I'm d-d-done with S-S-S-S-Sasu...er...U-U-U-Uchiha..."

Hinata stopped crying for a brief second.

"NANI?! WHY?!"

"Uhm...N-N-No r-reason..."

"SAKURA-CHAN! WASN'T YOUR LIFE LONG DREAM TO BE WITH UCHIHA-SAN? YOU HAD IT, NOW YOU'VE BROKE IT APART! WHY?!"

"Um...C-C-Can we...t-t-t-talk about this...l-l-later?" Sakura said, burying her face in Hinata's coat.

"Y-Y-Yeah...S-S-Sorry..."

"It's okay..."

They were silently crying into each other's clothes.

"Y-Your hair..." Sakura said. "It was...so p-p-pretty when it was l-long..."

"Y-Yeah...B-B-But it g-grows fast...I...I just have to c-c-cut the o-other half...l-l-later..."

More silence. More crying.

There was a knock on the door.

"Sakura-chan?"

"Hinata?"

Hinata squeaked. She whispered to Sakura, "If t-t-there's a t-t-time to do s-s-s-s-s-suicide...it w-w-would b-be now..."

"Let's hide..."

Another knock.

"If you don't open this door we're coming in!" a voice what seemed to be Naruto yelled.

"Go, go..." Sakura said.

"What about you?"

"I'm coming..."

"This is the last chance..." Sasuke said.

"Go, go, let's go!" Hinata said, grabbing Sakura by the wrist.

They quietly jumped out the window, to somewhere in Konoha they wouldn't have dreamt of looking.

"WE'RE COMING IN!" Naruto bellowed.

He knocked down the door.

Sasuke and Naruto stared at what seemed to be Hinata's midnight-blue hair, tissues, and blood.

"She wasn't lying..."

"Dob...er, Naruto...let's go look more..."

They'd checked for an hour...but nothing. (Yes, the window was closed after Hinata and Sakura jumped through it...o.o)

Sasuke kicked the wall and fell on the sofa, his hands on his forehead. He was trying to hold back tears.

"I can't believe I lost her...What the fuck was I thinking?! I hate myself, god damnit..."

And at the moment he took out a kunai and stared at it with great interest. He was about to bring it up to his neck when...

"SASUKE! DONT!"

"WHY!? MY LIFE IS HORRIBLE NOW! I CAN'T LIVE ANYMORE!" Sasuke said, dropping the kunai and standing up.

"EVEN IF SHE SAID SHE WAS OVER YOU, THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHE STILL DOESN'T LOVE YOU! IT WAS HER DREAM FOR THIS TO HAPPEN TO BOTH OF YOU! AND IT CAME TRUE! DO YOU THINK SHE'LL GET OVER IT THAT EASILY?!

Naruto was panting...really hard.

Sasuke sank back.

"Y-You're right...I, just..."

Naruto put his arm around his shoulders (not that way, folks! I hate SasuNaru D:) and tried to help Sasuke up.

* * *

Sakura and Hinata were walking down the streets, arm in arm, sniffling once in a while...

And they had to encounter...the two and only...

Sabaku no Gaara and Inuzuka Kiba.

Gaara wasn't really making a facial expression. Kiba smiled.

"Hey, Sak."

"Hey, Hinata, what're you guys doing-"

They turned to stare at the two crying kunoichis.

"Sak? Er-is everything alright?" (Yeah this isn't like Gaara...who cares :P)

"You okay, Hinata?"

Sakura burst into tears and ran into Gaara's arms. He patted her awkwardly on the back (he was not good at this thing!).

Hinata, too, burst into tears and clung onto Kiba's chest, staining his coat. Akamaru came out to see what was happening and licked her, trying to comfort her.

Kiba stroked Hinata's asymmetrical hair.

"What happened to your hair, Hinata?" he said, examining a strand.

"I-I-I-I-I c-c-c-c-c-cut i-i-i-it..."

"Why?"

She burst into tears again.

Sakura tried to talk.

"S-S-She...d-d-doesn't _want _t-to t-t-t-talk a-about it..."

"I understand..." Kiba said, putting a comforting arm around Hinata's waist.

"IT WAS NARUTO-BAKA!" she shrieked.

Gaara gently kissed Sakura's forehead. (Remember this is a sort of EMOTIONAL GAARA COOKIE CHAN! :D)

"You're going to be okay," he muttered, stroking her hair.


	17. IMPORTANT NOTE

NOTE:

CRAPPY NARUTO CHAT IS DISCONTINUED UNTIL I FINISH "WHO SHOULD I CHOOSE?" because I'm on MAJOR Writer's Block D:


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